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| Yes! it is all that I do... nowadays. and I'm sad that my phone has no batteries right now... becuase I left my charger at home. right now currently procrasinating... becuase my ten page resaearch paper is due soon. and yes its about intercultural communication. sucks that I wanted to do it in the viewpoint of american aisans... tho like HECK i'll find anything on that. everythings either asian and whtie or white and black and nothing aaginst them its just hard to relate... i think i'll meet kathie soon =]. hmm so busy ... not a restful week all the way until thanksgiving. hoepuflly i'll see my sister then... i really do miss her!!!!
listening to : owl city ocean eyes album
and yes the game is quite adddddicting lol. converted Bum and Stella (apt mate) to play <3
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| I just wish sometimes that my bf woudl know really... that no matter what happens, howeever situations seem... that I do love him the most. it's hard for me to get that to him. I know he has trust issues, but without trust how can you work anything out? I go to many extents that is noticeable by my friends of me trying to chnage for him , trying to let him know that he can totally rely on me, but one slight mistake i make, something of my personality that gest int he way and then he gest bothered and backs away. I try to respond in the most postivie way but sometimes things just build up and become exteremly hard for me to contain... i wish for the best. esapically for the sake of it working out. im glad that he talks to me and im probably the only one that he does refer to at times... but when he ignores me. the pain inside. impossible to describe.
end vent.
and haha. did you know that im studyign for a exam right now. up in a few hours. and i need the sleep.
lol. gorging myself on noodles. better full and stuffed than empty on the insdie mind and body right.
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| It seems like everything I do... just comes around in the end and hurts me back. no matter how hard I try. And being empathetic does not help at all. It just pulls you down and makes you feel even worse when you can totally relate to the person. then I just end up seeming depressed again. I just can't. can't. can't take it.
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| Has it not been awhile??? and yes quite cleary it has from the look of the last entry I have posted... so what would behold the ramblings of a almost sleep deprived ( if sleep deprived means waking up at 4pm and sleeping more than being awake ) teenager? I am on the brink of being a teenager am I not... almost twenty. Oh my thats a big jump too... haha if only some people would take me to my age... my face is belying that for sure. Baked goldfish and milk with mint oreos at this hour is quite good...
Just finished revising my sisters two college essays. I told her to get a faster hold on it. but like most little sisters they don't really listen unitl the last minute and her deadline for UC apps is in approximately a little less than a day I would guess. great time to start on it yes? BUT i cannot give in to the fact that her essays are quite good! minus the lack of transitions..
Some musings? I'm pretty pissed at myself. If I think of things in the long run I was supposed to be spending quality time with my best friend this weekend of thanksgiving and yet I have been skipping out on snowbaroding that I really wanted to try... out.. seroiusly. and yet I didnt.. and then my other best freind invited me over for thanksgiving dinner the long awiated talk that i was supposed to have with her... she lost contact wiht me for a month or more? due to the fact of a certain person I can agree thats understandable. but still. and in the end I was denied becuase her sister invited too many freinds over so i didnt see her afterall. That was almost expected.... Then the other best freind that I was supposed to snowboard with. I almost feel like im ditching him all the time, and sincerely I know that on the surface level its not on purpose at all, but deep down I wonder if he feels taht I did ditch him all the time... like hes like why all these lame exuses? surprsinmngly my sickness is getting better and not worse as I expected. Still.. I hope I can make up the time definetly in winter time. I may say this now but I really mean it. mean it mean it. cant emphasize that enough.
So... I met some wonderful strangely enough guy. If you told me this a year ago I would have doubted you and laughed in your face... surprisngly enough it may defeintly be called love too. love. love. love. I could just shout it. or sing if I ever gain that confidence... If i thougth aobut it I woudlnt even say he was my type. certainly talented in so many ways that I cannot compare in... and looks? well looks thats depenindg on who you are. haha. I cannot compare yet he feels the same about me and he says even more... but am I supposed to let it go and just... give in...? It's not that easy.. giving it away. but I feel like i did. like i burst my heart and everythign just flew away.. or its still inside of me pounding everytime I just think of his last embrace... the taste of his breath... I dont noe... I can't even think of the future. I want to be optomistic always. always. but i think i fall under the category of optomistically depressing. ha. ha. ha. and now i have a three week where I don;t see him. this week just not seeing him fo r a few hours hes like :: i miss you sooo much :: online.. what shall I do? focus focus on finals. yes.
On the other hand photoshopping is quite fun. I shall update my devart or some other photobucket file the pic that I took from japan and deeneeded the colors on ... its quite nice. and fits the song that I said i was listhing to. you shoudl give it a listen... quite... nice...
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| sooo not much to say either.
hmmm..... i should focus more on my classes and stuff, my grades arent too happy. my parnets wouldnt be too happy if they knew too. . . .
I want my friends to be happy. Can't they all like each other? <- haha what a sad thought. . .
I want to pass my road test <- yes another sad thought but I should really get my mind down on it...
hmm I think i'll have to stay here until like june 13th I hate being a hassle to people but If i have to stay that long, mihgt have to bother someones =(
lah~
I miss ~
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